


Because of you, I'll Never Love Again

by phantasmicNarrator



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Emotional Manipulation, M/M, On-Again/Off-Again Relationship, Sexual Content, The Homestuck Epilogues: Meat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-11-07 15:37:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20819717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantasmicNarrator/pseuds/phantasmicNarrator
Summary: Despite your better judgment, you go looking for Jake after he disappears from the party.





	Because of you, I'll Never Love Again

**Author's Note:**

> um i had a lot of thoughts abt the meat route n i ended up writing this lil thing

===>Find the Page.

The music of the party booms in the background, practically vibrating through the walls of Jake’s mansion as you walk through the surprisingly empty hallways. Most of the action is happening downstairs, people laughing and talking as they drink and dance the night away, some of them getting high in the open areas of the house and others getting it on in the closed corners. You’re no stranger to these parties, always coming even after rejecting Jake’s invitation with a disinterested expression. You hate how loud and rowdy these parties got, hated watching the way people easily lose control around you. 

You hated seeing Jake taking part, losing his control like the rest of them.

At first, you only went to these events to keep an eye on him, knowing that if he wasn’t careful he could get himself in trouble. Anyone would easily take advantage of an intoxicated god if they really wanted to, but with you around, no one wanted to get close to Jake, always keeping a six feet distance away from him. 

But that would only upset him. 

He’d throw a fit, telling you that he didn’t need you to look after him, that he could take care of himself, that he didn’t _need _you. He’d whine about not being able to have fun with you hovering over his shoulder like a possessive boyfriend (_you’re his ex, remember?_)and kick his feet like a child throwing a tantrum. After that little spat, you decided to lay off but not after replying: _Fine, see if I care. Do whatever the fuck you want then._

Jake still invited you regardless, always bragging about the newest celebrity that would be attending as if that mattered to you or anyone else. What the fuck did a celebrity mean to a god? This person may be famous for a decade or two before falling from grace but you were going to remain important forever. From the perspective of Earth-C, you’ve been revered for the past 5,000 years, your name worshiped and feared as the Prince of Heart, the Destroyer of the Self. Besides, all these celebrities are the same to you, forgettable faces that continuously grace the TV that you barely pay attention to, irrelevant names that you’ll never bother learning.

In the grand scheme of things, they’re all background characters with no actual meaning or influence to your story.

You continue to wander in the darkness, touching the wall to guide you as you look for Jake. He doesn’t know that you’re here because you told him you were too busy for one of his stupid parties, but you couldn’t get the nagging feeling out of your head as the sun began to set. You couldn’t sit in your basement and work on your robots in peace, your mind constantly racing with thoughts as to what Jake was currently doing. Was he expecting you, despite having declined his offer? Was he having fun without you? Was he charming the pants off the partygoers as he’s wont to do? Was he getting smashed already and doing shit that you’ve warned him not to get involved in? 

Even with all these questions, you have a small feeling you know what Jake is getting himself up to lately.

There’s been little hints scattered around, tiny signs that have been screaming and begging for your attention, but being the cold motherfucker you are, you’ve denied them just that, playing at Jake’s game and pretending that they weren’t there. But you know that they’re there and sometimes you can’t stop thinking about them either. About how secretive Jake has become, dropping off the grid at random, not giving you a single excuse for his absences, only to come back with a suspiciously sunny demeanor and a dreamy look in his eyes. You think about how you’ve found articles of clothing throughout his house that definitely don’t belong to him, notes taped to the mirrors and kitchen counters with numbers and lipstick stains.

(_You think about the few times that he’s kissed you, despite your current “break”. His lips were always tender and bruised, his kisses lazy and unfocused, as if he wasn’t in the mood to kiss you. As if he didn’t *want* to kiss you. As if there was someone else on his mind.)_

You stop at a specific door, one you recognize leading to his study where he keeps all his favorite books and blueprints to whatever projects you’ve created with him. There’s a tingling sensation within your chest, something pulling you towards it as if you were a puppet on a string, forced to go through the motions of walking towards the door and see what lies behind it.

===> Open the door.

The words aren’t a whisper this time, but instead, a forceful command. You already know what’s going to behind this door, already know how you’re going to fucking feel the moment you lay your eyes on the poorly hidden surprise in the room, but your heart still races, your palms getting sweaty as you wrap your hand around the knob. You slowly turn it, the door not making a single squeak as you push it open, revealing the secret that you already knew in the back of your head.

JAKE: Mmm…! Fuck, please!

The desperate sound of his voice sends a shock through your body, starting at your heart before spreading through your veins. You’ve heard him like this before, during those few times when you’ve crawled into his bed in the dead of night, hands eager and mouth greedy. You’ve seen him clinging to you the way he’s clinging onto his troll partner, digging his nails into their back as they ram him against the wall, holding him up by his hips. You could never be able to hold him up like that or even be able to move that confidently because Jake was always in control when it came to sex. He was the one holding _you _up, fucking _you _hard until you were seeing stars, whispering praises to _you _and reminding _you _ what a good boy you are, so pliant for me—

His eyes open a little as he lets out another whine and you’re almost sure that he doesn’t notice that you’re in here until you watch his eyes shoot open, bright emerald eyes staring at you in shock. You stare right back at him, rooted to your spot, unable to bring yourself to move any closer or say anything to stop the scene from continuing. Even if you wanted to say anything, you wouldn’t know what to say. Would you apologize for barging in like this? No, you wouldn’t even mean it. Would you yell at him and demand that he explain himself? Why would he need to do that? He doesn’t owe you a damn thing because he’s not yours anymore, what he does in his free time is his business and his alone.

You almost expect Jake to stop the scene himself, humiliated on getting caught.

_Almost._

He makes no move to stop his partner, even moans louder while his eyes were still glued to yours, and you suddenly understand what he’s doing.

He’s showing you that he doesn’t _want _you, that he doesn’t _need _you. That he could easily find someone to replace you and even give him the things that _you _couldn’t give him. He wanted to prove it to you that he really was over you and could find a better replacement for you, someone who could give him all the love and attention that he craves for, someone who could make him lose his mind in bed, someone who could make him _happy._

Your heart shatters at the thought. It’s funny because you would thinking seeing the love of your life getting his brains fucked against the wall would be the thing that makes your heart completely crumble like sand but no, it’s the fact that you’ll never be the one to make him happy. Has he ever really been happy with you to begin with? You can hardly recall a moment when Jake has actually enjoyed your presence, where the atmosphere didn’t feel so tense with a lingering secret floating between you. He wasn’t happy with you during the game and he isn’t happy with you now, so why are you surprised?

JAKE: P-please! Harder oh fuck please…!

His moans are pornographic, exaggerated because he knows you’re watching now and he wants to rub it in your face. You grit your teeth, a flare of fury igniting in your newly shattered heart, and you turn on your heel, leaving the room quickly without another word, unable to fight back the burning heat on your cheeks from anger.

Since you left the door open, you can still hear him begging and moaning for more, the wet slap of skin echoing through the hallway as you try to escape before the tears burning your eyes can fall. You’re furious at Jake. How _dare _he? How _fucking dare _he?! How is it so easy for him to move on like that? To sleep with you on the side and kiss you casually but turn around and spread his legs for the first blue troll that smiled at him? How could he just sit there and take it while keeping eye contact with you? Did he enjoy the fact that you were watching? 

Was he… Was he trying to hurt you?

The thought makes your stomach lurch and you have to stop walking to lean against the wall, not wanting to trip over your shaking legs. No… No, that can’t be… Jake would never purposely do something like that to you. He can be a jerk sometimes but he wouldn’t… 

No, you refuse to believe he could do something cruel like that _intentionally_. Jake is too dumb to try to do something like that. He only likes having fun and doing what feels good to him! And if getting fucked by a random stranger while your ex-boyfriend watches is what feels good then of course, Jake’s going to do it. 

Angry, hot tears roll down your cheeks and you wipe them away quickly. 

No. Jake isn’t worth your tears. He isn’t worth _anything. _He’s just a little slut and you were an idiot to see anything but that in him. There was nothing valuable in him to begin with! He’s just a stupid, pathetic, cowardly, little whore and nothing more.

Fuck him for making you think he was worth your time.

Fuck you for holding on to that little sliver of hope that he was.

**Author's Note:**

> if u want to fight me u can fight me on twt [@eboyjakeenglish](https://twitter.com/eboyjakeenglish) owo)b


End file.
